Time really flies by.......

Wow! It has been quite a long time since I have posted anything. I guess blogging isn't very high on my list of priorities these days.
We are all doing well, getting ready for the long long long winter. It has started to get pretty cold and it has snowed a couple of times even though I begged and begged for it not to happen.
Halloween is coming up right around the corner and Grammy and Pappy got Elijah a Football player costume from the Broncos game last night. Elijah is excited, to say the least.
This year he will have a better grasp of trick-or-treating now that he is the ripe old age of 3.

Here are a couple of pictures of the past couple of months of our growing boy.

Maybe inspiration will hit me and I will blog more...........we shall see
xoxoxoxo
t

Sometimes you have to tell a sad story.

This past few months have been pretty difficult for me. There has been so much going on and I feel like I may have put my emotions aside so it would be possible for me to "go on" with my life.

I have realized that going on with my life is not as easy as I thought it would be.

In Early March we had a miscarriage. It was terrible. It was painful. It was messy. I took a week off of work and then went on with my life like nothing had happened..at least on the outside.

Last week we found out that again we had lost a baby. I had to have a d&c on Friday, which was not as easy as I had hoped. The good part about it is that I didn't have to see anything. The bad part about it is that I didn't have to see anything.

I have a bicorunate uterus. Which means it is shaped like a heart. A friend of mine wrote to me "A heart shaped uterus? How can such a lovely shape cause such sorrow?" I kind of think anything that a heart is involved with causes so much pain as well as happiness.

It has been 3 days since my procedure and the cramping is subsiding but the emptiness seems to be creeping in, no matter how hard I am fighting it.

I have a little boy to think of, I can not take time out to be selfish and sad. I have to make sure he is ok. I have playing to do and housework to do. My heart isn't in it though. As much as I try to push myself to do my normal thinks, it is not working. I can't seem to bring myself to catch up laundry or do the dishes. I feel like it will all still be there later.

I had a terrible experience with the doctor's office which has not helped my emotional state. I was made to feel like it was just another "oh, well" situation. It is far from that. These were my children. These were my flesh and blood. Why would someone try to downplay that? What is wrong with people?

So many people that I know, have gone through this very sad situation. I guess I never thought that I would have these problems. Coming from a huge family, it never occurred to me that this could happen, until it happened.

I am not mad or jealous of my friends that have had good pregnancies, because I have had one myself. Maybe I am only meant to have one child on this earth, and for that I am blessed and grateful.

I just wish God would reveal just a little tiny bit of his plan for me so I could see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

For now, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just an oncoming train.

xo
T

The zoo is always fun:)

Last week Elijah, My friend Becca, and her daughter Sofia went to the Denver Zoo. We had a really good time!

I have been very bad about blogging lately. So sorry. There has been a lot going on! More to come soon:)

xo

T

I am still alive, I promise.

Things have been very crazy around the Losh house these days. Sam and I have both been working every available hour that we can, which leaves us very little time with each other.

The Destroyer got his first real injury this past week. His new job path is "potion master". This boy fills everything up with water that can hold water. He puts toothpaste, shampoo, 25 dollar jars of saffron, mouthwash, ketchup...anything he can manage to sneak by me into his mix. He then finds another container and swishes the potion back and forth...this is normally great fun....

I was making Chili and had opened a couple of cans of whole tomatoes. The Destroyer swiped a can a went hauling ass into my bathroom where he thought he would "work". I heard a scream of death and ran into my bathroom. He was there flailing his hand and red sauce was going everywhere...I then realized that it wasn't sauce.

I tried to get the bleeding to stop for almost a half an hour. I consulted my M-I-L and we ran down the street to the doctors office. They squeezed us in immediately.

No stitches, but a nasty deep cut on his right pointer finger. This cut went strait to the bone... yucky.

We still have to bandage it up with a pressure bandage every morning, but all is pretty much back to normal, as normal as we can get at least.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying themselves as much as possible!

xoxo
T

Organized Chaos..

I have been sick since Sunday. I am starting to feel a little bit better, but sleep is all I really want to do.
My house looks like a tornado hit it. For whatever reason, if I am sick, no one can find the trash can or the clothes hamper. The dishwasher becomes invisible and the kitchen counter becomes a place of refuge for a mountain dew graveyard.
I still know where everything is. I can still jump up and find anything that you need. No one else can do these things. I must be a superhero. I wish my superhero powers would kick this sickness out of me so my life can be put back into motion.

I am tired.

I need some DayQuil and a shot of espresso.

Ha.. spell check just tried to change DayQuil to Tequila... that would do as well:)

xo
T